As part of the True Colours Quilt Along 2025, CQA/ACC is collecting material for quilters who wish to learn more about the challenges faced by all marginalized people and how we can all help to make welcoming and safe spaces for everyone. CQA/ACC invites you to suggest website links to add to our resources by emailing your ideas to membership@canadianquilter.com.
Understanding the differences between sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression can be confusing. I’d like to share a story that helped a family grasp the meaning of these things.
But first, let’s start with some definitions.
Sexual orientation—how a person describes their sexuality
Some examples are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and queer. Note that this definition comes largely from who you are sexually attracted to.
Gender identity—the gender a person feels internally and individually
Some examples are female, male, cisgender, genderqueer, genderfluid, intersex, and transgender. Your gender identity may not be the same as the sex you were assigned at birth. It is how you feel and believe deep inside.
Gender expression—how a person presents their gender, regardless of their gender identity
People may not recognize your gender identity based on how you look. Gender expression is when you publicly express your gender identity through the declaration of pronouns, clothing, behaviour, etc. For most people, feeling free to express their gender identity is important to their mental health and emotional well-being.
My story is about a family that has struggled, accepted, changed, and welcomed new and existing family members who have re-defined the family’s understanding of sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression.
In the early late 1990s, this family was expanding quickly as four cousins were having children. These cousins (now parents) had grown up together creating strong bonds and close family connections; now their children would have the same opportunity. As the children grew up, the girls did girl things and the boy did boy things.
Fast forward 10 years. The girls are married and have traditional families: a man and wife with 2 or 3 children. These girls are cisgender heterosexual females (sexual orientation) and identify as women (gender identity).
The boy, now a young man, decided to travel instead. He was not interested in dating, or looking for someone special, and especially not in getting married and having children. But he did meet someone while traveling! Someone very special and he brought him home to meet his parents. It was at this point when the family, the whole extended family, learned he was gay, and they needed to change their understanding of sexual orientation.
For some family members, acceptance was always there. For others, it was a struggle, and remains so today. You cannot change a person; you can help educate them, provide understanding and patience, and be there to support them, but if that person is not willing to change…you know how the saying goes.
But wait, the story does not end there. This young man eventually married his boyfriend and they had a beautiful ceremony. Shortly after the wedding, the couple announced a profound change; one of them identified themselves as she/her. This meant they didn’t identify with the gender (male) assigned them at birth. It didn’t represent how they feel or how they wanted to represent themselves. They changed their gender identity to woman and altered their gender expression to reflect that.
The couple is happy and in love, they are growing together, and most importantly they are loved by their family.
The family in this story are my own relatives. I am very proud of my family, especially the members represented in this story, for having the courage, strength, and confidence to live life their way!
How does all of this relate to quilting?
The quilting community is a family in a way. We may not always be aware of it, but this community includes people of different sexual orientations, gender identities, and gender expressions.
Just like the members of my family, not everyone has the same understanding or knowledge. It is helpful to share information and stories like this one, encourage each other’s growth, ensure meetings are safe spaces for all, and support creative expression through quilting art.
The key here is to respect one another, be inclusive, welcome everyone, and learn more about these topics. Here are a few more resources to help you on that journey.
Resources:
For a detailed list of terms used in this article, please refer to StatsCan – Gender of Person
GBA Plus: Beyond Sex and Gender (Video)
GBA Plus: Gender-based Analysis Plus Learning Course – Women and Gender Equality Canada, Government of Canada
Sexual Orientation – British Columbia Government
Unity – For a better together – Government of Canada
